1st September 2024
Home >> Resources >> Articles >> Tips to Manage Social Anxiety and Shyness
It’s the first day in a new school, college, sixth form or university and you’re so excited for what the day will bring. Classes are great and so is the new setting but the fear of being negatively judged or doing something embarrassing, is preventing you from engaging socially or making new connections. This feeling of shyness and when more extreme, ‘social anxiety’ is extremely common, especially when it comes to unfamiliar situations. It affects many across the country, including David Robson, award winning science writer specialising in psychology, neuroscience and medicine. David Robson like many others, once felt this way documenting his experiences in a Guardian article: ‘How learning about the science of shyness helped me’.
“I had spent years preparing for this moment, and yet when it came, I felt only dread at the thought of freshers’ week and all the social challenges this would inevitably involve.”
“The potential for rejection seemed immense, and I feared I would spend the next few years in loneliness.” - David Robson, 02//06/24
At one time or another, we have all likely experienced a sense of dread or fear when facing certain social situations. This sentiment is echoed in data gathered from a recent survey conducted by Bristol CBT Clinic which was designed to identify traits associated with social anxiety. Among 30 respondents aged 14-18, an overwhelming 96.7% admitted to worrying about being judged by their peers. Those who expressed concern rated their worry at an average of 5.2 on a scale of 1 to 10. These findings suggest that such feelings are nearly universal and should not be seen as a sign of weakness. It’s completely normal to feel this way at times.
David Robson’s article highlights a phenomenon known as the ‘liking gap,’ which refers to our tendency to underestimate both how much others have enjoyed our company and how much they wish to build a stronger connection with us. This insight may cause us to reflect on past experiences where we’ve doubted others’ positive perceptions of us, even though they may have actually valued our presence more than we realised.
Additionally, he discusses the concept of misplaced intuitions about self-disclosure, where we often hold back our intimate thoughts and feelings, instead engaging in superficial small talk. This is despite the fact that people are generally more interested in our inner lives than we might expect. These factors can lead to a self- destructive mindset, where we develop inaccurate perceptions about ourselves and others. For instance, some might believe that others rarely make mistakes or embarrass themselves in public, yet the survey reveals that 72% of 29 out of 30 participants accidentally perform socially embarrassing behaviours roughly once a week, with 24.1% doing so more than once a week. This suggests that socially awkward moments are much more common than we might think and is something to keep in mind when engaging in new social environments.
Surveys like the one conducted by the clinic are often used in CBT to help young people normalise a symptom or experience, discover what behaviours are typical for others and to test the water to decide what is the best next step to change unhelpful thoughts into more helpful thinking patterns. On the other hand, the nature of surveys unveil something much more beneficial in relation to social anxiety in new experiences. This is the importance of realising other people's viewpoints.
“If only I had known then what I know now, my path might have been so much easier.” - David Robson, 02//06/24
David Robson’s recognition of the aforementioned phenomena made him realise that if he had only known his peers’ true feelings, then his experiences in social situations would’ve been much easier. This echoes a powerful message of being open and optimistic when interacting with new people, as without inviting others to share their true opinions, our worrisome thoughts are nothing but assumptions. These memos are further supported by the survey which invited young people to answer the question, ‘What would you think or say to someone who is struggling with social anxiety?’. All the responses were resoundingly positive and supportive, filled with kind words of reassurance and encouragement.
‘The only opinion that matters is what you have to say about yourself, what other people think shouldn’t define what you are. Be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself because at the end of the day those who are true friends will love you for you.’ - Anonymous survey respondent, 28/08/24
As highlighted in David Robson’s article: “With just a little bit of encouragement and practice, we all have enormous potential to connect.”. With this message in mind, be kind and forgiving towards yourself as you practise putting yourself out there. You never know what new and lasting connections you may discover in this new chapter of your life.
Here is the link to David Robson’s article: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/jun/02/how-learning-about-the- science-of-shyness-helped-me
Article date 1st September 2024
Article written by Miguel De Rama, A level student on Work Experience with Bristol CBT Clinic.
Survey designed and implemented by Miguel De Rama, A level student on Work Experience with Bristol CBT Clinic.